I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
