our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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