saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
