Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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