i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
