4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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