check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
how drunk are you?
Several
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
