I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
