i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize