Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
