this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
