the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
