i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
