Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
