i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
