I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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