I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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