I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
