He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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