he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
