So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
