so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize