weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
