Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
as a side note pls kill me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
