Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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