just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
