I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
