I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
