3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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