Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
