apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize