I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
