I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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