dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
