my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
