hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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