good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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