I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
