yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
