I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
