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• (434): View more from Virginia

  u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text

  (434): View more from Virginia

  then give me ur phone

  (1-434): View more from Virginia

  NEVER!!

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• (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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• (562): View more from California

  I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

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• (415): View more from California

  You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.

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• (650): View more from California

  I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.

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• (347): View more from New York

  she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her

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