the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
soo... how was my night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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