I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
