Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
