Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
