are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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