OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
