New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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