It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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