All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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