Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
