I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
