come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
