dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
