Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize