By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
