Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
