And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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