and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
