I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why did my mother make you get naked?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize