Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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