Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
