I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
