After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize