Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
