cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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