people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
