I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
