if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize