yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
