he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
