That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
