my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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