are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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