So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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