Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
