the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize