one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
