Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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