I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
