so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
