I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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