I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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