Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
