he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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