i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm having to shit out rocks
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
